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Day 31: This is Just the Beginning

01 Nov

This is the final day of October which means it is also the final day of the #write31days blog challenge. I have learned a great deal about myself and about my writing on this journey. I wasn’t sure I had “found my voice” which was the theme that I started this on, but I do believe I have started finding it. I think the foundation of any writer’s voice should be sincerity and honesty. Based on the feedback I’ve gotten, I think I’ve nailed that part! I believe that whatever writing project I take on, as long as I build it on that foundation, I will naturally find the voice I need for it.

I am at a crossroads in life and I’ve been able to ramble on more than a bit about my doubts and fears as well as my hopes and dreams. Not all questions have answers. Not all problems have solutions. Not all wishes come true. But every day is a new chance to take the next step in our journey. I was still feeling, even up until a few days ago, incredibly lost in my progress. Last night, upon noticing that it was the eve of the final day of this journey, I realized something: I’m not that lost.

“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.” -Aristotle

You are what you do, not what you say you’ll do.” -C.G. Jung

So, having written for thirty-one days, I can say this: I’m a writer. I know that sounds like a completely basic statement, but listen to what I’m saying here: I, the girl who never really finished a project like this before because she didn’t feel like she was good enough, who didn’t feel capable, who didn’t know how to do it afraid, who didn’t know how to do it on a day that she didn’t feel inspired, who believed that she wasn’t worth anyone’s time reading her work, and who still pretty much believed that her dream was an illness called delusions of grandeur… That girl? She’s a writer. I am a writer. I didn’t fail this time. I didn’t take a day off. I made my hopes and dreams a priority and I crossed the finish line. I didn’t just say I’d do it and flake out. It may not have been great writing all the way through, but I did the work. I showed up and put the words on the page. I repeatedly wrote. I habitually wrote. According to Aristotle and Jung, I’m a writer. And I won’t argue with men of their calibre, even if they were still alive to argue with.

Perhaps I wasn’t ready before. Even when I’d write, I would rarely share it with anyone. Yet, I’ve shared all of this and had at least a few people read each post. Sometimes, far more than a few read. I don’t know why now, why this time worked. But it did work and I did finish and I shared whatever I came up with each day. I will forever be grateful for those of you who took this journey with me.

By no means am I done writing. And by no means am I done blogging. I will be taking a small break in order to prepare for an amazing event I get to attend next week. I will be at The Reformation Project’s conference in Kansas City where they work on bridging the gap between the LGBTQIA and faith communities. I will get to hear the amazing Vicky Beeching speak. I will be able to meet a few of my online buddies in person. I am incredibly excited and I’m sure I will be writing about the experience. I am also going to be devoting most of the rest of November to some of my fiction work that has been sitting idle for several weeks.

So, I leave you here for now, but this is not goodbye. I don’t know what awaits me in whatever tomorrows I may be blessed with. I don’t know if I’ll have some grand writing career, win the lottery, become a housewife, or maybe the Doctor will show up at my door and wisk me away in the T.A.R.D.I.S. to see sunrise on Gallifrey. But I know this: I’m going to keep putting one foot in front of the other. I’m going to keep hoping and dreaming and doubting and questioning. I’m going to keep finding my voice and applying it in whatever way I can to make myself and the world a little better place. I’m going to sing and act and cry and laugh and I most certainly am going to write. This is not the end, it is only the beginning.

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Posted by on 1 November 2015 in London Summer

 

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