“I didn’t know I was wrong…”
“I meant it in love…”
“I was trying to help…”
“I firmly believed…”
But God troubled my waters.
“Love the sinner, hate the sin…”
“Of course, you’re welcome, but…”
“We all fall short…”
“This is tough love…”
But God is troubling the waters.
“The Bible clearly states…”
“It’s just not natural…”
“Abomination means hell…”
You didn’t have to look past the surface,
Until God troubled your waters.
Except that God did,
And God is,
And that’s why I repeat
My identity to you.
Am I how God is troubling your waters?
Inviting you to dive deeper,
Inviting you to take the fullest breath,
Inviting you to see past the surface
Where you are so confident and sure,
And let enlightenment rise swirling from troubled waters?
When the angel stirred the pool,
The first one in was healed.
When God’s children shake your view
Deeper truth may be revealed.
And isn’t it Truth that sets us free?
That’s why God troubles the waters.
This is breaking my goal/guideline of posting a piece that I wrote in the preceding week as this one is from January. But after experiencing some disappointing dialogue and even a little trolling over the weekend, it was brought fresh to mind. We can become so certain in our faith journey (which is the antithesis of faith) that we forget we have healing left to do under that certainty. We judge others for being in a different place and we try to bring them to where we are, not realizing that they have already done the hard work of healing from the very wounds that God has already called them out of and we are trying to call them back to. We can do better, in grace and love. We can brave the places where our current beliefs are being shaken up, troubled, if you will, and see if it isn’t God inviting us to a better understanding.
God troubled my waters of belief a few years ago when I realized I was gay. I sorted through my faith. I laid all of my doubts and fears and pain at God’s feet and prayed there would still be a God to believe in after the sorting and diving deeper was done. It was terrifying and painful and the most raw and vulnerable I’ve ever been. I can say, from this side of that ordeal, that it only brought me closer, it only made me love God (the same Father, Son, and Holy Spirit I’d always believed in) even more. My peace that passes understanding came from that ever faithful Triune God who never left me, never stopped loving me, and was strong enough to handle my honesty. It felt like the biggest risk of all to step into the troubled waters and yet, there I found such healing and a deeper understanding of God.